‘The central “business” of human life,’ writes James Bugental, the existential-humanistic therapist, ‘is the translation of intentions into actuality as we try to have the living experience which we believe we need and want.' In other words, human living is about striving towards the things we want--for ourselves, for others, for our world--and, ideally, with passion, excitement and success.
But how do we go about getting what we want? Based on the psychological theory and research, it's possible to identify seven stages in this process:
Emanation: the bubbling up of wants and desires.
Evaluation: checking these out against reality and working out what's best to do.
Intention: making a commitment to achieving particular things.
Planning: Working out how we are going to do it.
Action: Getting on with it, and maintaining our activity.
Feedback: Monitoring how we're getting on and making any necessary changes.
Termination: Disengaging with our goals and bringing things to an end.
Of course, all these stages are entirely interlinked. And there can be multiple processes going on at once, all at different stages.
Ideally, we go through each of these stages--at least to some extent. So we give our wants and desires free flow to bubble up, and then we think about them in a reflective and mature way, working out what makes sense to take forward. We spend some time thinking about plans for making this a reality, and then get on with it, all the while keeping an eye to what impact this seems to be having. And when we've done enough, we're ready to disengage, enjoy our successes, and turn our attention to something else.
The problems can come, though, if any of these stages get missed out, done badly, or if we get too focused on them to the expense of other stages. So you might find it interesting to think about the stages in this process that you do really well, and those that you could pay some more attention to.
Emanation: Are you someone who pushes down your wants and desires, who finds it hard to be in touch with your intuitive sense of things? Or, conversely, are you someone who has so many different wants and desires bubbling up that they feel overwhelmed and in chaos.
Evaluation: Sometimes it's great to go with our desires. Sometimes, they can take us to some crazy places. So are you someone who tends to skip the evaluation phase, and just pushes on to doing things without putting the effort in to weighing up what's best? Or, conversely, are you someone who spends so much time evaluating and balancing things up that you never actually make a commitment to doing anything?
Intention: And then, do you have the passion, conviction and confidence to try and take forward what you know is best, or falter at this point and go back to evaluating? This is the big existential leap--into the unknown. The point of no return where, yes, you'll either fail or succeed and what you're wanting to do. But maybe, conversely, just run at intention and commit yourself to everything without really filtering down to what your priorities are. We can't do everything we want: try to do it all and you can sometimes end up doing nothing.
Planning: Some people are great planners. Some people are obsessive planners and drive everyone else crazy because they seem so locked in to the planning stage. And other people just think 'What the hell' and skip this stage entirely: leapfrogging from emanation to intention to action. But a bit of planning and forethought can go a long way: research shows, in particular, that working out what you are going to do when things go badly can be essential in reaching your goals.
Action: Once you get going, do you persist with it, or do you get distracted and go onto other tasks before you're anywhere near completing your current one? A million jobs left unfinished?
Feedback: Research shows clearly that attending to how you're doing helps you get to where you want to go to. If you're trying to make friends, for instance, is it working, or do you seem to be putting people off more than attracting them? And do you get defensive and obstinant, and push on regardless. But conversely, are you so concerned about feedback that you're bending and twisting like a willow, always trying to get it exactly right?
Termination: Keeping on regardless can be a waste of energy, particularly where goals are unattainable or futile. But some people do exactly that. And the research shows it can lead to depression, and may also be tied in with things like obsessive behaviours. Some times, you need to let go, and knowing when to 'hold them and fold them' is, perhaps, one of the greatest life skills.
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None of us are perfect at getting from where we are to where we want to be. And if you think about the millions of things that we're all trying to do at any one time, it's not surprising. But thinking about the places where you might tend to go wrong could be helpful: getting a bit more balance in your life, and a bit more of what you want out of it.