Counsellors and psychotherapists don't know everything--there's a lot we need to learn ourselves. Like about the role of social and political factors in shaping people's wellbeing. But we've had the privilege, as a profession, of over 100 years now of sitting with people and listening really deeply to them, and getting a sense of what genuinely helps them change. So what have we learnt that might help to create a better world?
1. All you need is love. There's loads of theories about what people need: pleasure, power, meaning. But when you work with people day in and day out, what you see is that the need to feel loved is such an incredibly powerful force; and one that can really distort or damage how people have become in the world in an attempt to get to it (or to protect themselves from the pain of not having it). So a better world needs to create systems in which people, right from the very start, can feel loved, valued and cared for. That means making sure our schools are caring places and not harsh, intimidating, bullying ones. It means training parents and carers in how to show love for their kids--and how to not let other things get in the way. And it means ensuring that people have warm and supportive communities to be part of right until their very last days.
2. It's good to talk. It isn't always easy, and there's time when we all want to lock ourselves in our bedroom, but generally talking about stuff is a pretty brilliant way of dealing with things. Why? Because you don't feel so alone, because someone can help you work out how to deal with things, and because you generally feel less ashamed or awful about whatever's bothering you. So what we need is a world and a culture that can help people open up rather than bottle down. We need professionals like nurses and youth workers who are trained in helping people to talk; and we need media of all forms to pass on the message that there's no shame in being open about who and what we are.
3. The banality of evil. Therapy clients make mistakes. Just like we all do. And you can see how it ends up hurting other people, and often most of all themselves. But what comes really clear when you see people struggling with their lives is that most of the time, maybe all of it, the things that end up hurting others don't come from a place of maliciousness or viciousness or even greed. Mostly, it's people trying to protect themselves and do what they think is right that ends up really hurting others. It's a hard one to accept, because if someone really hurts us it's hard not to think they're 'bad' or it was on purpose, but most of time it just isn't. So a world that is focused on retaliation and punishment and blame isn't going to get very far. If we want to change people, and stop them doing hurtful things to others, we need to start trying to understand them. Of course, that doesn't mean that society should't sometimes lock people away to protect others--change isn't going to come overnight. But, ultimately, if society wants people to do the right thing, it needs to help them understand what's going on and what they're up to. And what they should do differently and why.
4. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Probably the best evidenced of all the therapy techniques is something called 'exposure', for treating anxiety. Essentially, what you do is to encourage people, in a safe and controlled way, to face the things they're afraid of: social situations, snakes, clowns, etc. It breaks the vicious cycle whereby people get scared of something, avoid it, and then get even more afraid because they don't learn that the thing is actually not that bad. What that means, socially and politically, is that we need a world that is supporting people to try out new things, and not get too bogged down in the old and the familiar. Routine, of course, can be great; but if political systems get too conservative and try and push away everything new and different (worst case scenarios being xenophobia, prejudice and discrimination), there's a good chance it will only fuel anxiety and fear. So we need political systems and cultures that can celebrate diversity and difference and creativity -- that encourage us to stay on our toes and be open to what's fresh and new.
5. People are amazing. One thing you discover when your work closely with people--really, really closely--is just how amazingly resilient and resourceful people are. You see people who have had their lives crashing around them and who stick at it and express themselves and slowly by slowly, maybe over years, pull themselves back together. And you watch and you cry and you witness the incredible power of the human 'spirit' to fight on and not give up. People are amazing, you just can't put it clearer than that, and we need to live in a world that really recognises that and gives everyone the respect that they deserve. Whether they're homeless, or marginalised, or third world.... if you can see the world through different people's eyes and see what they're doing and they're struggling with you'd never want to treat people casually or with disrespect. Each and everyone of us is so unique, so special. Social and economic policies need to start with that, more than anything else: A deep care, compassion and respect for each of us here in the world.